My Testimony From Pain To Joy!

Updated: Apr 8

Today I want to share something deep and personal, but Abba (Father) is asking me to do this, for it can help others to seek His face and to learn to trust Him. But above all it honors HIS Name.

My deepest wish has always been to become a mom. And that I would have a child, while my mamme (Yiddish for mom) would still be alive.

She had a near-death experience after giving birth to me, and she saw the Lord. He told her she would receive another 30 years. And so, it happened. Two months after my 30th birthday the Lord took her home.

Read more underneath the picture.

From Pain To Joy!


I did not receive children out of my womb. But Abba gave me a family (mishpocha) all born in my heart. And today I am even a grandmother (Bubbe)

But in my thoughts and heart, there was still the grief of not being a mom of a child born out of my womb.

I never saw a baby being born.

How does a tiny child, smell, just after leaving mom’s body, left out of such a safe environment? How does it feel if your child moves inside of you?

I have been pregnant, but this remains to be a secret for me.

Divine Calling

The Father called me into ministry. The first word He gave me for me, after being baptized in water and Ruach Hakodesh, was Yeshayah 54.

Including the promise of becoming a Spiritual mom, and to go home to Israel, in His perfect time!

The name of my mother in Jewish Gematria has three special words
1. Benyamin
(She gave birth to me in pain and sorrow and had a near-death experience. The Lord told her she would receive 30 extra years. Two months after my 30th birthday He took her home! but Ben-Oni (Son Of My Strength, Son Of My Sorrows, Son Out Of Egypt) turned in Benyamin בִּנְיָמִין (Binyamin) meaning "son of the south" or "son of the right hand", from the roots בֵּן (ben) meaning "son" and יָמִין (yamin) meaning "right hand,)
2. God’s Prophecy
The word my mom knew, (I found out later after her death) and I received from Abba ( which I never told her ) in my childhood has come true. I am called a mother to Israel. In her bible, I found a tiny piece of paper on the page where Hannah gives her child back to God. Prophet Samuel.
3. Ready at eight
I was eight years old, when I received my 1st word in June 1967, He Who Promised Is Faithful. It is written in my poetry album in July 1967.
It was exactly during the 6-days war of Israel.

Read more underneath the picture.

From Pain to Healing

But, as I said, in my heart and my thoughts, the pain of not being a mother of a child born out of my womb, was still there. I felled as if I had failed as a woman. Failed to make my mom a grandmother.

Things always happen in HIS perfect time. And I can tell you He has healed this last little spot in my heart.

Out of my free will, I gave him my box filled with dreams about having children out of my own womb. Filled with dreams of how my Mamme would visit me, and we would drink tea together, and then we would take a walk with the baby. That box I laid before His feet.

And when it happened, I suddenly saw on my spiritual eye a huge bow around the box.

On each side of the ribbon stood a word!

1. Childless 2. And on the other side “They will carry your children in their arms.

And the Lord brought back into my mind what He ones taught me:

★彡 The redeemed "ME" always has an eye for the other person, without asking: "Am I not short of anything? For the "redeemed one" always trusts me, says the Lord. 彡★

I saw in a vision how my mantle was changed from a dirty one filled with the word ME ME ME MY MY MY pain sorrow grief into a mantle filled with the word of God!

And I felt how the burden was lifted from my shoulders.

Abba brought back to mind, how a friend once called me, after a period of deep healing and deliverance (years and years ago)

And she told me, “ Oh, Cathy I wish I was an artist and that I could draw what I have dreamed about you, I saw you standing in a beautiful dress and the dress was adorned with rubies and carbuncles. Such beautiful stones. It was so pretty! “

Yeshayah 54:12 And I will make thy battlements of rubies, and thy she’arim (gates) of carbuncles, and all thy walls of avnei chefetz (precious stones).

For some reason, all the words Abba gave me, through other voices and directly speaking to my heart, are all for Israel and Yerushalayim.

The hidden spots in our heart and soul

Abba wanted me to share this with all of you, to make it clear, perhaps you have a dream too, and perhaps you will receive, what you have dreamed.

But if not, I can testify, at the age of 61, and 30 years in ministry, I have been through a lot, in my life. But I can serve others with compassion and empathy.

And secondly, I finally understand that HIS plan for us exists even before we are born.

And I was looking for my dream, while HIS plans were already there, and are so much better. And HIS plan will also honor HIS Name!

Allow Him, (directly or through someone, He is calling to help you) to be healed from all disappointments and grief.

In my case, He called several different ministers to deliver, heal, and restore the wounds in my life. And today I gave Him my box, my precious box, but as soon as I did, the box turned into a surprise, instead of being childless, the promise of many children who will honor HIM and bless HIM.

Tears were running over my cheeks, a mix of sadness and great joy! Sad, because I must have grieved Him, but I am forgiven for my EGO which always pointed to me and my pain. Great Joy because Now the final word which my Mamme knew and I received can come true in all facets. My mantle which covers me is HIS NAME HIS BEING HIS LOVE HIS HEART!

Tehillim 95

1 5 O come, let us sing unto Hashem; let us make a joyful noise to the Tzur of our salvation.

2 Let us come before His presence with todah, and extol Him with zemirot (joyful songs).

3 For Hashem is El Gadol, and Melech Gadol above kol elohim (g-ds).

4 In His yad are the deep places of ha’aretz; the peaks of the harim are His also.

5 The yam is His, and He made it; and His hands formed the yabashah (dry land).

6 O come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before Hashem Oseinu (our Maker).

7 For He is Eloheinu; and we are the people of His pasture, and the tzon of His yad. Today if ye will hear His voice,

8 Harden not your lev, as in Merivah, and as in the Yom Massah in the midbar;

9 When your avot tested Me, tried Me, and saw My work.

10 Arba’im shanah was I grieved with this generation, and said, It is a people that do stray in their lev, and they have no da’as of My ways;

11 Unto whom I swore an oath in My wrath that they should not enter into My menuchah.

Yeshayah 49

22 Thus saith Adonoi Hashem, Hinei, I will lift up Mine Yad to the Goyim, and set up My nes (banner, rallying flag, [i.e., Moshiach; see Isa 11:10]) to the Nations; and they shall bring thy banim in their arms, and thy banot shall be carried upon their shoulders.

Yeshayah 54

1 4 Sing, O akarah (barren woman [i.e., Yerushalayim emptied out by the Golus that Isaiah sees coming]), thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and shout for joy, thou that didst not travail with child; for rabbim bnei shome’mah (more are the children of the desolate woman [i.e. referring to those of Jerusalem making aliyah from the Golus so that Moshiach’s Kehilah can come forth at Jerusalem-Ac 2:41]) than the bnei be’ulah (children of the married woman; i.e., Jerusalem as the Sarah at first barren then greatly fruitful; see Gn17:16), saith Hashem [see Ga.4:27 OJBC].

2 Enlarge the makom (place, living area) of thy ohel, and let them stretch forth the curtains of thine mishkenot (tents); spare not, lengthen thy cords, and thy stakes make chizzuk (stronger);

3 For thou shalt spread out on the yamin (right hand) and on the smol (left); and thy zera shall inherit the Goyim and make the desolate cities to be inhabited.

4 Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed; neither be thou discouraged; for thou shalt not suffer disgrace; for thou shalt forget the boshet alumayich (the shame of thy youth), and shalt not remember any more thy cherpat almenut (reproach of widowhood).

5 For thy Oseh (Maker) is thine ba’al (husband); Hashem Tzva’os Shmo; and thy Go’el is Kadosh Yisroel; The Elohei Kol HaAretz He is called.

6 For Hashem hath called thee back, thou who art like an isha forsaken and atzuvat ruach (grieved in spirit) as a cast off eshet ne’urim (wife of one’s youth), saith thy G-d.

7 For a rega katon (small moment) have I abandoned thee; but with rachamim gedolim will I gather thee back.

8 With a little wrath I hid My face from thee for a rega (moment); but with chesed olam will I have rachamim on thee, saith thy Go’el, Hashem.

9 For this is as the waters of Noach unto Me; for as I have sworn that the waters of Noach should no more cover ha’aretz; so have I sworn that with thee I would not be in wrath nor rebuke thee.

10 For the harim (mountains) shall depart, and the geva’ot (hills) be removed; but My chesed shall not depart from thee, neither shall the Brit of My Shalom be removed, saith Merachamech Hashem (Hashem the One having rachamim on thee).

11 O thou afflicted one, tempest-tossed and unconsoled, hinei, I will lay thy stones of glistening colors, and lay thy yesod (foundation, i.e., figuratively of post-Exilic Jerusalem’s foundation) with sapphires.

12 And I will make thy battlements of rubies, and thy she’arim (gates) of carbuncles, and all thy walls of avnei chefetz (precious stones).

13 And all thy banim shall be taught of Hashem; and the shalom of thy banim shall be rav (great).

14 In tzedakah (righteousness) shalt thou be established; thou shalt be far from oshek (oppression, tyranny); for thou shalt not fear; and thou shalt be far from mechitah (terror); for it shall not come near thee.

15 Indeed, if attacking they stir up strife, it is not from Me; whosoever shall gather together against thee, yipol (he shall fall) for thy sake.

16 See, I have created the charash (ironsmith, blacksmith) that fanneth the red-hot coals in the eish (fire), the one forging a keli (an instrument) for his ma’aseh (work); and I have created the mashchit (destroyer, waster, spoiler) to destroy.

17 No keli (weapon, instrument) that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every leshon (tongue) that shall rise against thee in mishpat (judgment, accusation) tarshi’i (thou shalt condemn, prove false, refute, prove wrong). This is the nachalat avdei Hashem (the heritage of the servants of Hashem), and their tzedakah (righteousness, vindication) is from Me, saith Hashem.

Cathy Meijer DTh DD (hc) | Lectures | Mentor | Advising |

Yochanan and D'Vorah.

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